I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
