Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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