my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
