how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
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