I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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