Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
