I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We are two peas in an std pod
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
