I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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