YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
