ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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