Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
