I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
