Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
