Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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