false alarm. still invincible.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
