He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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