I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Sorry about my life...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
