your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
