Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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