I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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