So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
