I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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