careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
