My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just high enough for therapy.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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