so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
40s are totally the cure
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
