I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Randomize
