The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
