How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
fuck your aforementioned shoe
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
