My first STD was from a foam party
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
