I can tuck mytits in my pants
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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