That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
