my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
