I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
