I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I think i got beer on your cat.
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