We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm both gender and math confused
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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