my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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