remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
