how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
