11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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