You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
