Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
