I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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