There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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