so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
