i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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