Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
