Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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