I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
