I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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