Kiss
Puke
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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