In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
