Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
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