watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
