People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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