STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
