I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
