He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
